"Letting Go" in 2010

Well, in case you've been wondering where I've been...we've been sick. Nothing really terrible, but Mark started it with a stomach bug about a week and a half ago, then Karis got it last Monday, then Ethan got strep throat on Thursday, and then I got the stomach bug on Saturday night. So, we've just been in that take it easy while still trying to keep up with daily tasks mode for a bit. I had a friend invite the girls over for a play date today (I warned her, but she was willing to take the risk!) and Levi is napping, so I decided to put off the toy clean-up and laundry folding to blog instead. Feels kind of good to choose something I want to do instead of the things I should do :O).


So, I've been saying I wanted to tell you a little bit about my "word" for the year. Last year was a year of expecting God and His changes in my life, and even though I didn't end up blogging about much them, He did some very necessary things in my heart and life.

This year I'm not expecting any different, as I ask Him to teach me how to better let go. This is something I so need to work on on many levels.

As I've mentioned many times before, I have issues with control...I don't like when my house looks out of control. I don't like when my kids are at school and I don't have control over what they are doing or what's being done to them. I don't like when cars break down, water lines leak or people get sick. It just stresses me out! God, help me let go of my need to control, because I know you are glorified in my ability to focus on what's truly important, trust in your protection, and believe in your provision.

I also have issues with pride and judging. There are a lot of times that I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job at life. It may seem like a contradiction, since I know I've mentioned that I've often compared myself to other women and felt inadequate. At the same time though, I've often compared myself to some women and felt like, "...maybe I do have it all together...". I can be pretty quick to judge other peoples' ways of doing things if I think my way is better. I probably shouldn't even admit this, but there are a lot of times that Mark and I will be discussing somebody's situation and we'll jokingly say..."It's a good thing we're perfect." Yah, we're being totally sarcastic, but still, there is an element judgment and pride in it. God, help me let go of my tendency to judge because I know that I am nothing without your grace.

Another thing that I have issues with is holding on to things. I hold on to material things, the idea of future financial stability, and time. I have a hard time throwing stuff out...actually Mark and I both do. We're not hoarders by any means, but seriously, our basement has become the dumpsite of all the stuff we're not ready to part with because someday we might have a use for them. We did do really well this weekend getting rid of a bunch of stuff and setting aside plenty more for a Spring garage sale. I just want to get rid of "stuff" that clutters our life. I cling to this idea of someday being able to not have to think about money and whether we have enough for this or that. Not that I have a desire to live some extravegant lifestyle, but we want to fix up the basement and remodel the kitchen here, we want to buy land in the (sort of) country and build a house, we want to travel. Yet, I know I'm not guaranteed tomorrow, so in my heart, I feel like I'd rather leave a legacy of giving than saving for what may never come. I'm pretty selfish with the time I spend with my family. I really don't have much desire to get out by myself or for us to spend time socializing with other families. I really don't like to give up our time, especially now that Ethan is in school all day. Even though neither one of us are very willing to give up our time together, Mark and I go back and forth all the time about whether it's more important to spend time binding our family together or reaching out to come in contact with and serve those that need to see a God-loving/fearing family. So far, we're not balanced in that area at all. God, help me let go of my desire to hold on to these things...provide me motivation to get rid of things we don't need and the opportunity to give of our time and money becuase I know we have so much more of these than many, many others.