To me, it seems so early in the year to feel like I have to "press on". As runner, I don't usually have to take on the "just keep going" mentality until I'm a few miles in. I don't know that I
expected this when I set out for this to be a year of change. But, you see, I'm a very impatient person. I think I
expected to be a changed person by the end of January and then reap the effects of that change for the rest of the year. Ha Ha!! I am SO human!
I can't say that I really feel as though I'm trudging along. There is still a joy and fulfillment when I take my early morning moments and use them to learn more about my God and what He wants for me. It has not become something I'm doing out of duty. At the same time, I feel like with each moment or day where progress is evident, I also find another area I need to change or face another attack. I read something yesterday to the affect that when we move to a new level with God, we gain a new devil. Can I get an amen to that?
I love that this journey is bringing me out of my complacency. I love that it is bringing me into almost constant conversation with God. I love that when I find it difficult to focus on where to go or what to do next, or I'm questioning whether we are doing the right things, God has been right there. Maybe not at the moment I would like, but at His perfect time, He comes along side me and shows me "See this...this is what I have for you..." or "See this...this is what I'm doing with you and sometimes in spite of you..."
Example 1: I have had this thought in mind and on my heart for a while to get a group of moms together to pray for our kids and the local public school they attend. I know several Christian women whose children go there and I believe it is so important that we cover our children, the other students, the teachers, and the building in prayer. That said, my prayer life is not what it should be, so I've felt hesitant to lead a group of this nature. Yet, I feel like there is a reason God has put it on my heart, and I
expect that God is bringing me to the place where I will be a part of seeing this happen.
So, on Sunday when I saw the note in our church bulletin that they are starting a group for moms who want to come before the Lord in prayer for their children, I almost thanked God out loud in the middle of the service. I am talking to God about using this group and me to do something similar at school.
Example 2: One area I have overanalyzed to death is schooling for our kids. Do we homeschool? Do we make the sacrifice and send them to Christian school, if at all possible? Do we send them to public school? Mark and I, as public educators see the reality, and sometimes horrors, of what the public school system looks like. It is so evident to us, that our public schools are mostly void of strong Christian examples, in teachers
and students. The public schools are a mission field that need Christian families in them, and we believe that this is the mission field our family has been called to. At times, though, it is hard for me hold on to that. Like when I see my quiet little boy get on that bus. And when I ask him who he talked to today, he replies "Nobody except (insert names of kids he knows who are already from Christian homes)". I think who am I trying to kid, that I think this boy will have the boldness to share Christ? I wonder will his simple example be enough? I fear his silence will give way to peer pressure or ignoring those in need.
So, yesterday when we were in the van on the way to the bus stop and Ethan asked if it was his turn for show and tell, and I replied it will be next Monday, and he responded with, "I want to take my Bible", I thanked God that Ethan is His child before he's mine. That God will use Ethan to do His work. That He will make me the parent that will help make that possible, and, that in spite of my fear and worry that it won't happen, He can do it. I
expect Him to do it.
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I love that we are his world and he lives his life to show that. He spends as little time as possible away from home. He has been asked to coach more sports, take better paying positions, or considered getting a summer job, but when he takes into consideration the fact it means more time away from us, he's always decided the money and/or recognition wasn't worth it. He's often invited to go out with some of the other guys from school on the weekends, but (even if I encourage him to once in a while) he never goes because it means another/longer day without help for me and too many hours away from the kids. 
