Here's where I'm at

It starts with just a glance…and then I’m deep in it again. This trap of comparing myself to other women. I read a (complete stranger's) blog post or see someone's Facebook status or catch a glimpse of a mom friend's neat and orderly home.

Satan uses the world to start whispering in my ear..."You are inadequate. The things that you do and have are not enough. You must strive to be more and do more. You should have more kids like so-and-so...surely they are trusting God to provide all that they need. Or maybe you should have had fewer kids like so-and-so...then you'd be able to give your kids more attention. You should be working like so-and-so...then you wouldn't be wasting your college degree, and, really, is daycare that harmful? You should be homeschooling like so-and-so...she's growing her kids' character and mind, while balancing the rest of her busy life. I could go on..."

God is using his Word, my husband, and two special friends, to show me not only am I not alone in this struggle, but that I can have victory over it. Bad habits are slow to die, but the Lord has encouraged me with this in recent days. I just keep reading it over and over.

He says to me..."I beamed with satisfaction the day I knit you together. I smiled with joy as I laid out your days before you. I handpicked your husband, your children - and their number. I traced your path through life with my fingertip. With great care I chose your strengths, your weaknesses, your habits - good and bad - and created a vessel only I could fill. I have designed you for the everyday tasks of this season in your life - even the laundry, the diapers, and the schooling choices. Stop striving and submit to me as God of your life. Fix your eyes on me and know that I can set you free from this feeling that you are not enough. Rest in me. Make me your motivation. Be whole, be fulfilled in me, and me alone." (Psalm 25:15, 46:10, 139, 100:3, Eph 2:10)

I gave up my MOPS steering team position partly because of this issue. Not only will I have more free time, but I believe God is calling me to find my worth in Him…to keep my eyes on Him…not to be so tangled in what I can do, who I will impress doing it, and how it will make look compared to other moms around me. It has been hard. I love being on this team. I have a great group of really strong Christian women I work with who are passionate about serving God and meeting real emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of moms. At this point, I’m hoping to go back in a year. I need the time to train myself to keep my eyes on God…to train myself to make Him my motivation for all that I do…not anyone or anything else…just Him.