Things I learned while painting...

I've spent the past two weeks working on my first "professional" painting job at a church in the area. The pastor saw a verse that I painted at a friends house several years ago, and he also happens to spend some time during the school day at the school where Mark teaches, so he asked Mark if I'd be interested in doing one at their church. Without really being sure what I was getting myself into, I said I'd do it. Let's just say, nothing is as easy as it sounds over the phone...

Walls are bigger and higher than you remember them to be from your first visit. I went back in the Fall to check out the church and talk about what they wanted done. I showed them a few of the verses I had done here at the house. It didn't look too overwhelming at the time. By January, I had forgotten the sheer size of the space they wanted me to fill. This also made it a bit difficult to think about the layout of the verse ahead of time. Next time I will take a camera to capture my "blank canvas".

I'm still afraid of heights. I was totally stressed out up there. It took a good hour before I felt like I could breathe easily up on that scaffold. My feet were sore the rest of the day and into the next from bracing myself the first day I worked on it.

Climbing scaffolding is a great workout. It will also leave your shins and knees very bruised if you do it the "wimpy" way {did I mention I'm afraid of heights?}. My dad has worked construction all of his adult life. He's climbed a scaffold or 10,000 over his career, I'm sure. I now know how he could kick my butt in a race without "training". He trained all day long. I've decided I will not be doing any job like this over the summer...during shorts (and Ellie's wedding) season...my legs are a mess!

Proofread twice, paint once.  My dad {the construction worker} has a saying he uses quite often..."Measure twice. Cut once." I found myself adapting {stealing} it after this experience. The church administration decided on Galatians 5:22-23...Fruits of the Spirit....in the NLT version. This is a verse I'm very familiar with, BUT...I don't have it memorized {Such is not the case anymore}. I can usually list off five or six of the fruits, then draw a blank on the others. Anyway, as we were making plans for when I would come out to the church to get started I told them I had an idea for a layout and I'd type up the verse in a couple fonts and let them choose which one they liked. Of course, I typed it up while distracted by multiple things {because that is the story of my life} and then sent it off in an email. She texted back to say I left out the word "of"...easy fix...on we go. I spent about 7 hours over two days chalking in the verse and then painting. I finished on Saturday afternoon and was, overall, really happy with how it turned out. The lady that had helped with setting things up came and checked it out before I left...loved it...was excited for everyone to see it the next morning. I told her I'd come back on Tuesday to touch up a couple letters and wash off the chalk lines. Then...on Sunday evening...I got a phone call from her. Seems that a couple people had pointed out that I left out the word "goodness". Goodness. I left out a whole stinkin' fruit of the spirit!! I. Was. Mortified. This leads into my next two lessons, though...      

My husband rocks. From the moment I got the call, he assured me it would be fine. I didn't believe him at first. I was a mess that night...could not take my mind off of that mistake....and how in the world I was going to fix it. {Think: dark charcoal paint on a white wall and everything already centered just right.} Mark was sure he could cover it up. So he gathered some supplies and tools and went over after school on Monday since it's just a few minutes away. He tried sanding. It didn't work so well. He primed. He waited {bored out of his mind}. He primed again. He waited. He found a fan. He waited. He painted. He waited a bit and finally left, after feeling sure he had covered it up well enough that I could fix it. After a full day of teaching, he put in another 4+ hours. Because he loves me. Because he supports me. Because he defends me. Man. I. Love. Him. 

My God's got me covered. I spent Sunday evening and much of Monday morning consumed by the thought that Mark was not going to be able to cover it up. That the people at the church {especially the ones who I was told were not even supportive of the verse going up in the first place}were probably just laughing at how I could have possibly left out an entire significant word....why in the world would I have not double checked before painting? I was able to finally just give it up {after much prayer} and let the Lord do his thing. It turned out that a couple of kids from the youth group were the ones who noticed it first....and there were some in the church who didn't even notice {or hear others noticing} at all. Mark's paint job covered everything up really well. There was only one spot that I could even tell that he had done anything. I only had to re-do one line...everything lined up beautifully....to cover up the one spot I just mentioned. There were probably people in the service this past Sunday who didn't even notice that it was any different than the previous week. He took care of every detail as usual. Even though this was not a world changing/life impacting disaster, He still had me covered. 

A little rant

I was forwarded this article by a friend the other day...and it fired me up! If you don't have time to read it, it's from The Christian Post and talks about an athiest activist who plans to target FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) and CEF (Child Evangelism Fellowship) in 2012 for their "proselytizing at public schools while targeting the impressionable minds of our children.""

This paragraph really got me:

‎"Regardless of majority demographics, not everyone is Christian and these two groups in particular use nefarious methods of passive-aggressive proselytizing that affects the children of non-Christian parents who should be able to send their kids off to school without the worry that they will be exposed to religious propaganda (magazines, tracts, fliers, etc.) that these organizations leave behind, or via the training they give school teachers and administrators to integrate into their daily activities..."

Really?? Then we should be able to send our kids to school without worrying that they will be exposed to secular/liberal propaganda {"safe" sex education, evolution. etc.} as part of their educational experience. Shouldn't it work both ways??

At least FCA and Good News Clubs aren't a required part of the educational experience.

I think this hit close to home for me because, this school year we made the hard choice to give up attending our church's Wednesday night "Adventure Club", so we could get involved with the Good News Club at Ethan and Karis' school on Wednesday afternoons. For those of you who might not be familiar with this program, it's an after school club, similar to a VBS or Awana Club, run by volunteers from CEF. In our district, the schools will not advertise this club. The only way to let kids know about it is through word of mouth. {We've gone from having 5 kids at our first meeting back at the end of October to having 30 registered kids...and we've passed out 6 Bibles to kids who didn't have one!} 

When a kid is invited to Club, a permission slip goes home clearly stating what the club is all about...if a parent doesn't want their kid there, then they don't sign the form {contrary to what this guy seems to think, we are not handcuffing kids and dragging them into this club without their parents knowing what's going on}..simple as that. I wouldn't like it if there was an "athiests' news" club meeting at the school, but since I value my First Amendment rights {and I want GNC to be allowed to meet} I'm not gonna put up a stink {or at least a huge one :o)}...and if someone invited one of our kids to it, we obviously would tell them that's not what we believe, why we don't believe it, and we wouldn't allow them to attend.

I'm not sure I see why this same logic would be so difficult for an athiest family that might find their kids invited to a Good News Club?

As Christian parents who send our kids to public school, we're well aware that they are going to encounter things that go against the core of what we believe. We already have every intent of pulling them from the standard "sex education" course provided by the schools. We have plans to purchase some of our own supplemental materials to help provide our kids with a more "rounded" study of some eras of world history and fields of science. We fully realize that we have to counteract the parts of the education system that don't align with our way of thinking...that we have the responsibility to make up for the areas where we feel the schools fall short {while these are some of the very reasons some pull their kids from public schools, they are part of the reason we feel like the Lord wants us there}.

Again, would this same philosophy really be that difficult for an athiest family? 

It's our prayer that the Lord protects these organizations from the attacks of {Satan} this group....that we will be able to encourage the students that call on the name of the Lord to stand firm in their faith each day...and that we will continue to have the opportunity to feed those children who are hungry for something that they aren't even aware of.       

Even There....

Psalm 139:10...Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

I'm having one of those weeks where I need to remind myself of what the Lord has shown me in the past year and half....what He's assured me of about who I am, and why I'm doing what I do. Because it's one of those weeks where I'm feeling like we are the Hunter Family Cyclone. One of those weeks where I'm sure you'd judge me on the condition of my house {No, really....you would}. One of those weeks where I wash loads of laundry twice because they sit in the washer too long and four other loads of laundry sit in the baskets waiting to be folded for two days and yet another load waits at the top of the steps since the weekend to be put away. One of those weeks where the battle cry for Mark and me is "Divide and Conquer". One of those weeks where I can't keep up with any of my email accounts. One of those weeks where I look back on last week and look ahead at the one to come, and realize they aren't any better. One of those weeks where the piles of papers multiply and divide and then multiply again. One of those weeks where I ask the Lord {again} if we're really not supposed to homeschool and why our kids can't stay pre-schoolers forever.

In May, I shared a testimony about how the Lord is right where I'm at. So I'm reminding myself, He's in the questions and the hurry and the shortcomings. He's in the group hugs and family cheers. He's in the school morning prayers. He's in the bleacher conversations at the soccer game. He's in the scheduling of gymnastics classes during the same hour. He's in library books on the swing in the backyard while dishes are put on hold. He's in poems that Karis reads to me each night before bed. He's in MOPS steering team meetings where huge prayers are answered. He's in the in the van on the way home from school. He's in the trading off of keys to get from one activity to the next. He's in leftover pots of potato soup and sauce and meatballs that are shared with friends. He's in Story Time connections. He's in the kiss good-bye in the morning and the kiss good night, too.

He didn't bring us to this week by accident and we didn't get here because we ignored Him. We've walked hand in hand to this place...and I know He's got plans to use it.       

Should I start charging?

"Hi, we're Mark and Valerie. We're your neighbors. The ones with four small kids already. Yes, we'd love a couple more, but, no, we do not want yours." 

We've struggled with this issue at different times over the past year or two {sort of natural when there are almost ten kids the same ages as ours within 300 yards of where we live}, but nothing like it's been the past few days.We're not quite sure how to handle it. We're both introverts and despise conflict, but it's getting slightly out of control. We feel like maybe we should say something, but when you live across the street from the people and see them 400 times a day, it's awkward. And on the other side of this, these kids...this family...are a big mission field.

The household is made up of a set of grandparents, their daughter, her five kids, and her {18 year old} daughter's three year old son and her boyfriend {not the little boy's dad}.  The "adults" are in and out of their driveway several {or 50} times a day. There are also 4ish dogs and at least 10 birds living in the house/garage. The youngest of the five kids is the same age as Ethan and Karis. She and the three year old have taken to coming down to our house at every opportunity possible. If we step out of the house, they're in our yard in a matter of minutes. I think she rang our doorbell three or four times yesterday...one of them was after 8:30pm. Another time the little boy was playing in our yard for a while...it was dinner time for us, so I wanted to send him home, but no one was out at their house...no vehicles in the driveway. I had no idea if anyone was even home.  As I was walking him home {and my family's dinner was getting cold} a couple of rough looking guys pulled up at another neighbor's house to do some landscaping. No one came out to meet the little boy, but he said his mom was inside...I asked him to go inside to make sure she knew he was back, but he didn't go in. I couldn't in my right mind just leave him there, with these guys I didn't know right next door watching the situation. I waited a couple of minutes and thankfully Grandma came driving up the road.   

I don't mind them stopping by to play for an hour or two a couple days a week, even if the "favor" isn't really returned {I wouldn't really be comfortable even if it was}. But several hours everyday. Inviting themselves to eat lunch here and go on outings with us to the Nature Center. Seems a bit much to me. Natalie {our extrovert} enjoys playing with them and so do Levi and Karis sometimes. But this other little girl can be very bossy and rough, and that makes me uncomfortable...especially since Natalie just does whatever she says. 

I'm tired of making up excuses for them to go home or hesitating to go play in our front yard. Last night I dreamt that they were standing on our front porch looking in our windows, waiting for someone to let them in.

My memories of how often we played with our neighborhood friends as kids have faded. But I definitely remember that things were reciprocated...some days we played at our house, some days we played at someone else's {and I'm pretty sure my parents were comfortable with that}. It's one of the reasons that I wanted to live in the "burbs" for this season of our life. Mark grew up in the country, miles from anyone else his age. He's a huge fan of privacy. If he gets his way, we'll be on 20 acres sometime in the next five to ten years.

All that said, the opportunity we have here is not lost to us, but where do we draw the line? What is the boundary between being a good neighbor/ministering and being taken advantage of? Can we charge a boarding fee { :o) }? 

Shoulda' had some green beer...

This has been one of those weeks {plus a couple of days} that I sort of wish that I actually enjoyed wine or beer or something....or that I lived closer to my mom and sisters...or maybe both.  I don't think a half hour has passed in the last ten days where I have not wiped a nose, taken a temp, administered some form of medication, been whine-ely asked for a tissue, wiped a butt, pressed play on the DVD player, wiped a nose, scooped out bite-size chunks of ice cream, thrown away handfuls of used tissues, passed out snacks that were never eaten, or wiped a nose....and it was only slightly less frequent during the sleeping hours :O).  Yah, there were a few days where it would have been nice to have something to take the edge off.

It all started last Thursday with Ethan waking up in the middle of the night nauseous and fevered.  He was sick all weekend and started to come down with it on Saturday.  I babysat a friend's two kids on Monday (something I'll be doing every MWF for the next month), one of whom was fighting a cold and needed to do breathing treatments every four hours.  Levi got worse Monday night and Natalie woke up at 1:30am Wednesday morning vomiting and fevered. I called off the babysitting on Wednesday and made a double doctor appointment.  I was kind of hoping it was something antibiotic-worthy {even though I hate giving them} since Karis had her surgery scheduled for Friday.  Of course, it was not.  Most likely all three of them have been/are victims of the seasonal flu.  Ethan came home from school Wednesday with a fever and aches again, so he stayed home Thursday, as well.  Thanks to an army of praying friends and family, and a God who answers prayers, Karis did not get sick and she was able to have her surgery.  Of course, the first few hours were rough...a lot of pain and swelling and she was so hungry after not having been able to eat since the night before.  There were many futile attempts to get ice cream, jello, and pudding in her before things got better. 

Ethan seems to have recovered, but the other three are definitely not back to themselves yet. I'm thankful for for one more day of rest and having my helpful hubby home before we get back to the grind of another week. 

Even though we didn't have any green beer on Thursday, we {well, some of us did, anyway} did enjoy some green cupcakes and green kool-aid in hopes of pulling us out of the funk.  I even added some green color to our alfredo sauce for dinner, but that attempt at being festive and fun did not go over so well with the masses. Maybe next year.    

ps...mom, I may actually take you up on your offer to come visit if it's still on the table :O). 

Did you know?

Did you know it's National Marriage Week?  

I love that, nine and a half years into our marriage, God has put us both on our own little journeys towards making our marriage a better one. I'm working through the book Feminine Appeal by Caroline Mahaney right now in my ladies' Bible study. Mark is working through Loving and Leading by Bruce Wilkinson in the guys' Bible study at church.  I'm learning to be a better wife and mother...I'm being challenged to cherish Mark and our kids in ways that I've been too tired or comfortable to do in recent years, to have more self control in the way I manage my time, and to honor the call to homemaking in the way Scripture commands, among other things. Mark is being challenged to love, invest {two things he's already great at}, and lead us.    

We've always had a good marriage, and I'd be foolish not give God the glory for that, because there have been times that it's been on the back burner and could have easily gone downhill. When you start out buying a "fixer-upper" house, have your first two kids in the first 2 years of your marriage, and deal with near crippling back problems that lead to surgery by the end of year #3, survival is about the only thing on your mind.  

We've always been good to each other. We've compromised when needed. He's been way more patient with me than I've ever had to be with him. We've laughed at each other and with each other. I could probably count the number of fights {if you could even call them that} we've had on two hands...and 98% of them were my fault. We've held each others hands through the worst pain of our lives. 

It seems cliche, but we're perfect for each other. Yet, I know, in no way, does this make our marriage immune to falling apart. Too many of them are today because we're all so darn self-centered, busy {perfectionsts and workaholics}, and materialistic, and this whole marriage and parenting game gets in the way so much more than we expected. Unless you've been living in a cave, I'm sure you've seen the statistics on the failures. As teachers and parents of kids with friends, Mark and I are all too familiar with the results of all the dysfunction. 

We're feeling a new call to work at this, alongside the Lord, like we haven't done in a while. Not only do we refuse to become one of the statistics, we refuse to be one of those marriages where we go through the motions. For us, this doesn't mean fancy dates every couple of weeks {just not possible in our financial situation}, or chocolates and flowers. "Quality time" is no good if it only happens once a week, and "quantity time" is no good if it's not quality time, too, in my book. For us, this means being present to help each other {quality + quantity everyday, if at all possible}. Asking each other how we can best serve each other. Sitting on the couch together when the kids go to bed and actually talking to each other. Setting a lot of less important things aside make sure our kids know they are loved every day by both of us. Taking the focus off of what Valerie wants to do or what Mark wants to do, and asking God what He wants us to do for Him. I pray that our next ten years are even better than our first ten because of it.      

A week in the Life

Here's a rundown of a crazy week in our home. Most of the activites have been in my planner for days or weeks.  There are, of course, plenty of everyday things like dishes, laundry, getting kids out the door to the bus, etc, that didn't make the list.  A few other things got thrown in unexpectedly...hence the "Added bonus".

Monday:  5:45am workout and Bible reading. Catch up a little bit on pace warnings, grading, report cards, and invoicing.  Coordinate with schools/parents/students to get a bunch of midterm exams taken in the next week.  Make chocolate chip muffins for tomorrow's breakfast.  Pack lunches. Do dinner and shower girls. Online teachers' meeting {during which Skype will not work so I have to call in on the cell} 6:30-7:30.  Bible Study 7:30-9:30.  Couch "date" with Mark.
**Added bonus:  Mark bringing home a letter from school informing all employees that there is a budget deficit in the district which will very likely lead to staff cuts. This is something that we have actually discussed the possibility of lately based on some things that have gone on there in recent months...things that lead us to believe that is not out of the question that Mark could be one of the teachers let go {this is a whole 'nother post that I'm not even comfortable putting "out there", so you'll have to just trust me on this one}.

Tuesday:  Early morning Bible reading/quiet time with the hope of fighting off looming anxiety. Get dinner in the crockpot while getting everyone ready for school and MOPS. Coupon hunting and grocery list/meal planning.  Pick up house and sweep/mop floors....it was bad...I even found an {at least} three day old grape smashed under the leg of the kitchen table. Memory and coloring. Talk and pray with Mom and Dad. Quick run to the grocery store when Mark gets home {taking Levi to the store when he expresses disinterest in going, as he did this day, is equal to commiting parental suicide}. Put away groceries and get dinner on the table. Take all four kids to Ethan's basketball practice 6:30-7:30.  Mark to Bible Study 7:00-9:00. Grading. Lunch packing/couch "date" with Mark.
**Added bonus:  Got to the MOPS meeting to find that they were waaay short on Moppets workers, so I got to work in the 2 year old room. They were {thankfully} pretty easy and I think I only had one snotty finger wiped across my shoulder.

Wednesday:  5:45am workout {after a restless night of crying from the two year old, 5am complaints about what I suspect were growing pains from the eight year old, and spilling a huge cup of water on and behind my nightstand}. Deal with the disaster that has been our bedroom/bathroom the past few days. Finally take a look at the Adventure Club lesson for Wednesday night church. More grading and helping students.  Late lunch and Bible reading. Playdough.  Bake cookies. Shower kids and eat dinner. Church. Crash in bed at 10pm.
**Added bonus:  One of Mark's students calls after school to bring over a load of firewood.  He comes into the house for a few minutes after they get it unloaded and I invite him to stay for dinner.  Good thing we were having spaghetti...there's always some to spare!

Thursday:  Early morning Bible reading/quiet time. Read 112 books and build GeoTracks masterpiece. Finally separate chicken and beef stew meat from Tuesday's shopping trip for freezing. Exercise while folding and putting away laundry. Make blueberry coffee cake and popcorn. Enjoy a frappe while starting progress reports.  Help a student on Skype while trying to clean up the huge mess in the kitchen and start dinner. Fight with Natalie about eating dinner so she can go to gymnastics with Karis.  Gymnastics 6:00-7:30.  Grade papers, answer questions from students, get kids in bed.
**Added bonus:   Helping a student who calls at 9:45pm (5 minutes before we were headed to bed) because she can't get the password to the midterm exam to work.  After several attempts to remedy the problem, I finally just resorted to removing the password so I could just go to bed and she could get the exam done because she waited until the last minute and her school wants her grade tomorrow.

Friday: Stay in bed longer than I should.  Quiet time.  Help desparate student who will probably fail my class, grade a few papers, send a report card.  Mid-morning workout and shower thanks to Barney and Max & Ruby. Dance party and cupcake making with munchkins.  More dancing and frosting cupcakes.  Make chicken rice soup.  Mark comes home for 45 minutes and then leaves to work concessions from 5 to 9:30 for tonight's basketball games at school.  Bathe kids, Skype Grammy and Papa, pick up the house put kids in bed. Eat ice cream.

Saturday:  Word time, shovel driveway, make bacon and eggs before 9:30. Put together spinach casserole for the "winter birthdays" party at the in-laws. Set timer on oven to cook casserole.  Basketball game 12:00.  Home to pick-up casserole and cupcakes, stop to get some cards, then get to in-laws by 2:00. Try to avoid puking over the fact that there 17 items on my "to grade" list and that the number kept going up faster than I could get it down. More progress reports. Cut Mark's hair after kids get to bed.

Looking forward to tomorrow.  Family Worship Sunday at church. My mom is coming down to stay with Natalie and Levi, while Mark and I take Ethan and Karis to the WinterJam concert in Cleveland. Very excited to see Newsboys and David Crowder Band and a few others!!

This next week has the potential to be just as nuts...three doctors/dentist appointments, at least one activity every night of the week, and volunteering in a classroom.

Weeks like these {in the quiet moments I do get} make me count my blessings, though:  our busyness means we have a houseful of healthy people; we really have amazingly well behaved kids that make all of these activities manageable; I have a hard-working, fun, available husband; we have the resources to provide our kids with opportunities; we have a church community to serve in and be challenged by; if I'm willing, I have a God who is willing to come alongside me to refresh and care for me in the big and little things. 

So, while part of me wants to turn my back on weeks like this and run the other direction, most of me embraces it for all it's worth.

My Prayer for 2011

I'm not picking a word this year, but I do have a prayer for it...from a song that we sing at church every once in a while.  We had some great teaching on perspective yesterday and ended the service with it.

Lord, give me one pure and holy passion.  Give me one magnificent obsession.  Give me one glorious ambition for my life.  Lord, I want to know and follow hard after you.  I want to grow as your disciple in your Truth.  I know that this world is so empty, pale, and poor compared to knowing you, God.  Lead me, Lord, give me strength, Holy Spirit, and I will run after You.  (Adapted from "One Pure and Holy Passion" by Mark Altrogge)  

I want this prayer to influence my perspective on life.  It's not only for me, though, it's my prayer for my whole little family.  We made some changes and sacrifices in 2010 that rocked our boat a little bit, but I know we've got a ways to go before we get off our cruise ship and find our spot on the war vessel, as our pastor put it yesterday.

I want this prayer to shape the decisions we make this year about how we spend our time and money {one specific thing that has been on my heart lately in regards to this is what kind of "getaway" Mark and I will do for our 10 year anniversary in June}.  I want it to be the filter through which we decide what activities to say yes and no to.  I want it to be in the forefront of our mind as choose what books, movies, and TV shows to be entertained by.  I want it to be the thing that pushes us to invest in the relationships that are beginning to form with the families we deliver food to for the church food pantry.  I want it to be what gives me the desire to read through the Bible this year {using my new (thanks, Babe) chronological Bible}, not just so I can say I did it, but so I can know my God and my Jesus the way I desire to know them.  I want it to be what either reaffirms our schooling choice or calls us to pull the kids out.  I want it to be what gives Mark and I the strength to consistently train our children in love and grace, instead of nagging and frustration.

I'm confident that God will work through this prayer in the coming months, but I know that, realistically, I will get in His way all too often. Here's to hoping I'll be at least one step ahead of where I am today.

Scrooge...or Excessive Christmasness?

Is anyone else annoyed with Christmas?  I should rephrase that.  Is anyone else annoyed with what the world is doing to Christmas?  I love Christmas, but I also love Thanksgiving. So, I love Christmas starting December 1st.  I'm a huge fan of celebrating Advent more so than Christmas, I guess.  I know I should be used to the fact that the world takes everything overboard, and, for the most, part I am...and I just ignore it.  Excessive Christmasness {yah, totally made that word up} is kinda hard to ignore, though.

I mean, really, do we need to put up Christmas decorations the day after Halloween?  Do we need to send out the Black Friday ads three weeks early?  As if they don't bombard us enough with all the things we should be doing and buying for each other to make Christmas magic and memorable, they've got to start doing it a month earlier?  How are Mark and I supposed to teach our kids to find the magic in the ultimate gift that was given to them in this environment?  Seriously, I'm asking. 

I feel like maybe if we took the time to focus more on Thanksgiving and how much we really have, then maybe we wouldn't feel such a need to be so excessively materialistic at Christmas. I keep hearing people {including myself} say they're going simple, but it sure doesn't look like it.  I feel the pressure to have gifts for teachers {school and church}, busdrivers, mail carriers, neighbors, etc.  Am I scrooge for opting out {cuz I feel like one sometimes}? Is a kid-made card and a couple homemade cookies enough to spread the joy of Christmas?  Again...seriously, I'm asking.

I do love to give at Christmas.  I just love to give to people who aren't getting.  I love taking the $100 we could have spent on gift cards for the above mentioned people in our lives and putting it into 4 Operation Christmas Child boxes instead.  I love that mine and Mark's siblings are all either in situations where they can't or don't want to exchange gifts, and we can put that money towards buying goats and chickens for a starving family in another country or to buying some gifts for a child in our own town whose family needs help.

Reading over this, I feel like it sounds prideful.  I'm not trying to toot my horn about how much we're giving, or say that if you give gifts to your kids' teachers you've got it all wrong...or even that if you break out the Christmas lights and music pre-Thanksgiving your messing with the meaning of Christmas. 

I guess I'm just venting about what feelings the season stirs up in me, and, once again, trying to find that balance between scroogeyness {how in the world should I spell that?} and excessiveness.  Have you found it?    

Public School Parent Prayer Nights

Say that 10 times fast!! Seriously, though, this is something that has been on my heart for about two years...really ever since Ethan started Kindergarten. I actually made mention about starting a group like this over a year ago on this blog, but admitted that my own prayer life wasn’t where it should be, and nothing came of it. I have to say that, although I have been a born-again Christian for more than 25 years, I have never been a “prayer warrior”. I’ve lacked the intimacy and expectation it takes to pray with any sort of power until recently. I’m in the process of learning to allow the power of the Spirit to strengthen my walk, to pray in faith and open my eyes to the Lord’s answers, and be open to His call on my life. I believe that God has used the past year and a half to bring me to the place where I should be in order to do this with success and for His glory.

It has been an absolute struggle for us (mostly me) to send our kids to public school. My husband and I are both teachers, and before we had kids, we felt strongly convicted that our kids would attend public schools because we see them as mission fields. If all Christians pull their children out, who will be the light? (Don’t take that wrong…I definitely believe God creates some families for homeschooling, some for private school, and some for public). Kids often have so much more opportunity to witness than Christian teachers do. When it came down to actually putting our kids in the schools, though, I wondered if they were really equipped and if we were doing all that we could to ensure their spiritual, mental, and emotional safety. We want to do all that we can to protect them, so we pray individually as parents, but I also believe there is power in corporately covering our children as a community.

I have recently re-read Power of a Praying Parent, and it has reaffirmed the necessity of praying specifically for each of our children and using prayer to protect them from the Enemy that is lurking the halls of those schools. I feel like as a community of believers we have the ability to be much more effective in protecting our kids and breaking Satan's strongholds in the school if we join together in the effort.

At first I was thinking that this group would just be moms...and I was going to stick to those that lived in my neighborhood because that would be so much more comfortable for me, and we could just meet in each others homes, etc. I really feel like God has asked me step out of that area of comfort, though, and include any parent who wants to pray for their children attending our local schools. After the Life Action Summit at our church and the emphasis on the leadership of husbands and far reaching impact of revival, I don't think it should just be moms or just my neighborhood.


If you know me well, you know that initiating this group is truly the result of the tugging of the Spirit. I am a good assistant, not a leader (probably one of the reasons I keep saying I’m initiating and not leading this group). I rarely pray out loud around people, especially those I don’t know. I don’t even really like big groups of people, and I somewhat despise speaking in front of them. I was nauseous in the days leading up to emailing some friends about the possibility of this starting and had to force myself to hit the send button once I wrote the email. I was shaking yesterday when I called the Superintendant's office to get the okay from him. After each of these steps, though, I have had relief and peace knowing that God will take this out of my hands and make it what He wants it to be.

My prayer is that God is in the process of empowering us to bind Satan and his strongholds in our schools and empower our children in their witness and ability to stand firm in their faith.

A look at my Imperfect...

After writing that post on imperfection a couple of weeks ago, I just wanted to give you a look into my window to see a little of what "imperfect" looks like in my {physical, spiritual, family} life right now...

• I've been too tired and busy to exercise or run for the past two days......and I've eaten waaaay too much chocolate...and I've squirted cool-whip into my kids mouths so many times lately it's become an expectation instead of a special treat...

• Levi has become a biter. You might be laughing that I'm highlighting this as something imperfect in our house, but I've never had a biter. Ethan and Karis were such a breeze as munchkins. So far Natalie has been his choice victim. Since he doesn't have many words to express himself yet, if she really makes him mad (which she's good at doing) he just clamps on. He got her right on the Achilles' tendon and left a mark for two weeks! I keep warning the workers in the nursery at church and MOPS, hoping he won't pull this there!
  
  


• My peace about some things in life (ie...being done having babies) has become a bit "blurry" these days. I know it's directly related to the fact that Levi turned two this past Saturday and doesn't really fit into that baby category anymore. I'm just feeling this really strong longing for another baby right now. I find myself asking why God would put this desire in my heart, but not put us in a position where we feel like we have the resources for another. Which leads me to ask whether we just haven't trusted God enough. Which leads me to ask where the line is between trusting and testing God. Which leads me to ask whether this desire is, in fact, not from God, but from that selfish part of me that Satan still holds on to and uses to take my eyes off of God and what He has for me.
  
  
• I usually grocery shop every two weeks and keep the freezer stocked, but I completely ran out of bread this week without realizing we had NO more. I had to make Mark's PB&J sandwich with the heel of the loaf the other day.
  
  
• It's been kind of a grump-fest with this girl the past couple of days. All of her clothes irritate her, which has led to major meltdowns before school and gymnastics (and, of course, this doesn't bring out the best in her mama), she's having a hard time sharing with the little two, she's fallen off her bike, she complains about what she has to eat for dinner...
  We've noticed that much of this usually stems from our parenting short-comings. She has a real need for her voice to be heard and to feel accepted...when we're not giving her the positive attention she wants (and usually deserves)...she gets grumpy.
  
  
• Our house is a mess. This is the third morning I've woken to this mess in the family room:
  

Those are Levi's shorts from Wednesday still laying on the floor today.

The kids have actually played really good amongst this mess...they've gotten along extraordinarily well, even though I think it would be so extremely irritating to play in this chaos. Last night at dinner, I had to consciously turn my body away from this room so I didn't feel that wave of anxiety that usually comes over me looking at something like this.

So, yah. Just wanted to let you see that I don't have it all together, even though I kind of doubt you thought I did. I did dust my downstairs furniture and clean a shower this week, though. Woohoo for me!!

Why I'm blogging again

I had a friend tell me recently about her friend who had her blog printed off in a bound book. It was one of the things that encouraged me to actually start blogging again. I don't have time or space to put together physical scrapbooks and I don't really have the money to do a bunch of digital scrapbooking. I think it would be neat to print my blog at some point...maybe every year or two as a combo journal and scrapbook. It would be something nice to look over down the road and pass on to the kids someday if they are interested. I'd like for them to know the "tidbits, treasures, and toils" that have made our family what it is.

I also got okay with the fact that it's okay to not be known. I think when I first started blogging, part of my motivation was to have lots of people read my blog and know me. We all kind of want to be a little "famous" don't we? Even if it is in our own little world? I thought it would be fun to be known for my writing, or maybe my baking, or maybe some parenting idea I had...that I could gain some higher level of "significance" through blogging. {That might be a "stay-at-home mom do load after load of laundry, dishes, vaccuum 42 times a week, answer 780 pointless questions a day, get interrupted at least 4 times every conversation you have with your husband, lock yourself in your bedroom while talking on the phone, make 21 meals and dish out 42 snacks every week, pay bills, monitor bank accounts, clip coupons, push the "car" cart through the grocery store while no one rides in it without any type of recognition" kind of hang up, I suppose}

But, I didn't just want to be known by people. I wanted people to know why I was doing the things that I do, in order to validate my thoughts and actions in some way. {For example} A couple months ago I wanted to tell you about why we were sending our kids to public school because I didn't want anyone to think we were doing it because we couldn't handle the homeschooling. I mean, I really couldn't handle it if someone thought I was a wimp! I needed people know why we were doing it. That started bothering me.

When I quit blogging for a while, though, I was reminded that it didn't change what I did or why I did it, just because no one knew what was going on with me or in my head. I still did the same things for the same reasons and I didn't loose any sleep (well, I did loose sleep, but that was because of Levi!) because people didn't know what was going on. I know people will think whatever they want about my actions, and my blog writing is probably not going to change anything. I reminded myself that I am known intimately by the only One that matters. With all that in mind, I was able to tell you about why we are not homeschooling more as a clear my mind, if you're struggling with this same decision you're not alone kind of post.

So I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, or if you can relate. I do want ya'll know what's going on with us, but not because I need you to feed my need for significance. I just figure maybe you want to know, just like I like to know what's going on with you guys. It's fun to have "conversation" through comments, get new ideas from each other, and participate in the "you're not alone" club together.

What's been on my mind

There have been two things that have been on my mind a lot over the past year. I thought I'd share a little bit of the journey they have taken me on. Here are the questions I was asking:

Would I be a better mom if I homeschooled our kids? I know this doesn't have to be an issue of being a better mom, but that's part of what it became for me. For some reason, in the past year, I managed to convince myself that homeschooling moms are better moms than those of us who send our kids to public school. They are more organized. They prioritize better. They are obeying Deuteronomy 6 more fully. They spend more time with their kids. They must be more patient. They are protecting their children from worldly influence.

It surprised me when I fell into this line of thinking because I never imagined I would want to homeschool. I've always been of the mindset that public schools need strong Christian families in them, and really felt a calling to make every effort to be one of those families. And, to be honest, I had once thought that homeschooling moms shelter and cater to their kids too much and don't send their kids to school because they can't let go. Thing is, my oldest is now away from home for more than 8 hours a day and I hate it. I also have quite a few friends who are homeschooling, and I've looked deeper at how it honors what God calls us to in Deuteronomy and can really knit a family together.

By the end of last school year my heart was aching to homeschool our kids. I did a "practice day". I looked at different curriculums. I was trying to figure out how I could really make it work in our family. I thought, "Maybe God is calling me to do this thing that I never wanted to do". I spent the summer trying to determine if I wanted to homeschool because I thought it would give me the image of being an amazing mom, because I just couldn't let go of my babies, or because God was, in fact, calling me to it.

Would having more kids make me a better mom? Again, I know this doesn't have to be an issue of being a better mom, but at some point, I also convinced myself that moms with more kids are better moms. They can handle more. They trust God more. They are more willing to sacrifice. It just seems like there is a certain "status" attached to parents of large families - just look at our fascination with TV shows like John & Kate, 18 Kids and Counting, Table for 12, etc. (Alright, I know that John and Kate have fallen apart, and maybe I'm the only one fascinated with how amazing it seems for these parents to be able to do what they do...)

This has actually been something I've struggled with since right after Mark and I decided we were done having kids. This was not an easy decision for either of us. I went back and forth about whether birth control (horomonal or permanent) was Biblical. We wondered where we should draw the line between trusting God to provide for us if we left it up to Him and testing God to provide if we knew full well that another baby would make it difficult to even put food on the table and clothes on our backs, especially when He had already given us FOUR amazing kids!


At the beginning of July I went back to Exodus 14:14, stilled my mind on these two things and asked (or maybe I should say begged) God to fight for my heart/mind on them and give me clarity. When I gave up, He gave me answers and peace.

I became confident that God's place for our kids is in the public school. At the end of July, while Mark was away at Cross-Country camp, I sat on the couch trying to read a book to Ethan and Karis...while Natalie forced herself on to my lap pushing the book and kids away and Levi scaled the entertainment center. I paused for a short moment to keep control and clearly felt God say to me, "Let this be one of the reasons I want you to trust me and put your kids in school." It's not that I can't handle the chaos, but I'm very aware that I have two high maintenance younger ones, and it wouldn't be fair to either "set" of kids to try to make homeschooling work in our home right now. He continues to give me reasons to maintain my peace about this decision. Both kids were "Principal's Pick" for the first month of the school year...a testament to their quiet dilligence and desire to be good examples. Ethan has done multiple assignments where he has written about being thankful for his Bible, that Christmas means we can celebrate the birth of Jesus, and giving to the poor. He has also taken Bible to school again this year as part of his "All about me" presentation.

I realized that sending our kids to school was not the easy way out and that I was sacrificing, just in a way that was different than homeschooling moms are. I have to give up control every day. I want to keep our kids home now. It hurts, most days, to watch them walk up the street to that bus stop. I have to trust that God will protect their hearts and minds when I can't be there to do it. Mark and I have work extra hard to make good use of the time we do have together and be sure that as much as possible is spent helping our kids grow in their faith and gain the tools that will help them make wise choices each day.

I became sure that we were not in a position to ask God for another baby. When you get pregnant as easily as we do, not being on strict birth control of some kind equals asking God for another baby. We are blessed to have 4 children, and I know that God did not create all of us to be like the Duggars. Every family has a different sized quiver for reasons that only God knows. He gives us what we need to make the decision that works for our family. We decided the most responsible thing for us to do was prayerfully take permanent action, knowing that if God desired to give us another baby, He would find His way and provide what we needed.

I learned that it is okay to grieve the fact I will never (barring some miracle) give birth again and that there is a good chance we will never be "baby parents" again. I know there are some who long for the end of this season: the changes of pregnancy, the pain of giving birth, having multiple babies in diapers, always being sure you have a change of clothes on hand when you leave the house, getting a workout simply going grocery shopping, trying to decipher baby babble before it becomes a tantrum, lowering angelic sleeping babies into cribs, having a house full of noise and messes. I LOVE this season. There is always going to be a part of me that will long to experience the miracle of a baby again. I've struggled to picture myself on the other side of it. But as allow myself to grieve (yes, I seriously get nauseous and cry) the ending of it, I am beginning to look forward to what the next season holds.

Well, maybe I should have split that into two posts! Hopefully I didn't loose you halfway through it. I know these are two things that many moms struggle with, so I hope in some way it has encouraged you that you are not alone...or given you the push to seek God's peace for these decisions in your own life.

Here's where I'm at

It starts with just a glance…and then I’m deep in it again. This trap of comparing myself to other women. I read a (complete stranger's) blog post or see someone's Facebook status or catch a glimpse of a mom friend's neat and orderly home.

Satan uses the world to start whispering in my ear..."You are inadequate. The things that you do and have are not enough. You must strive to be more and do more. You should have more kids like so-and-so...surely they are trusting God to provide all that they need. Or maybe you should have had fewer kids like so-and-so...then you'd be able to give your kids more attention. You should be working like so-and-so...then you wouldn't be wasting your college degree, and, really, is daycare that harmful? You should be homeschooling like so-and-so...she's growing her kids' character and mind, while balancing the rest of her busy life. I could go on..."

God is using his Word, my husband, and two special friends, to show me not only am I not alone in this struggle, but that I can have victory over it. Bad habits are slow to die, but the Lord has encouraged me with this in recent days. I just keep reading it over and over.

He says to me..."I beamed with satisfaction the day I knit you together. I smiled with joy as I laid out your days before you. I handpicked your husband, your children - and their number. I traced your path through life with my fingertip. With great care I chose your strengths, your weaknesses, your habits - good and bad - and created a vessel only I could fill. I have designed you for the everyday tasks of this season in your life - even the laundry, the diapers, and the schooling choices. Stop striving and submit to me as God of your life. Fix your eyes on me and know that I can set you free from this feeling that you are not enough. Rest in me. Make me your motivation. Be whole, be fulfilled in me, and me alone." (Psalm 25:15, 46:10, 139, 100:3, Eph 2:10)

I gave up my MOPS steering team position partly because of this issue. Not only will I have more free time, but I believe God is calling me to find my worth in Him…to keep my eyes on Him…not to be so tangled in what I can do, who I will impress doing it, and how it will make look compared to other moms around me. It has been hard. I love being on this team. I have a great group of really strong Christian women I work with who are passionate about serving God and meeting real emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of moms. At this point, I’m hoping to go back in a year. I need the time to train myself to keep my eyes on God…to train myself to make Him my motivation for all that I do…not anyone or anything else…just Him.

Pressing On

To me, it seems so early in the year to feel like I have to "press on". As runner, I don't usually have to take on the "just keep going" mentality until I'm a few miles in. I don't know that I expected this when I set out for this to be a year of change. But, you see, I'm a very impatient person. I think I expected to be a changed person by the end of January and then reap the effects of that change for the rest of the year. Ha Ha!! I am SO human!

I can't say that I really feel as though I'm trudging along. There is still a joy and fulfillment when I take my early morning moments and use them to learn more about my God and what He wants for me. It has not become something I'm doing out of duty. At the same time, I feel like with each moment or day where progress is evident, I also find another area I need to change or face another attack. I read something yesterday to the affect that when we move to a new level with God, we gain a new devil. Can I get an amen to that?

I love that this journey is bringing me out of my complacency. I love that it is bringing me into almost constant conversation with God. I love that when I find it difficult to focus on where to go or what to do next, or I'm questioning whether we are doing the right things, God has been right there. Maybe not at the moment I would like, but at His perfect time, He comes along side me and shows me "See this...this is what I have for you..." or "See this...this is what I'm doing with you and sometimes in spite of you..."

Example 1: I have had this thought in mind and on my heart for a while to get a group of moms together to pray for our kids and the local public school they attend. I know several Christian women whose children go there and I believe it is so important that we cover our children, the other students, the teachers, and the building in prayer. That said, my prayer life is not what it should be, so I've felt hesitant to lead a group of this nature. Yet, I feel like there is a reason God has put it on my heart, and I expect that God is bringing me to the place where I will be a part of seeing this happen.
So, on Sunday when I saw the note in our church bulletin that they are starting a group for moms who want to come before the Lord in prayer for their children, I almost thanked God out loud in the middle of the service. I am talking to God about using this group and me to do something similar at school.

Example 2: One area I have overanalyzed to death is schooling for our kids. Do we homeschool? Do we make the sacrifice and send them to Christian school, if at all possible? Do we send them to public school? Mark and I, as public educators see the reality, and sometimes horrors, of what the public school system looks like. It is so evident to us, that our public schools are mostly void of strong Christian examples, in teachers and students. The public schools are a mission field that need Christian families in them, and we believe that this is the mission field our family has been called to. At times, though, it is hard for me hold on to that. Like when I see my quiet little boy get on that bus. And when I ask him who he talked to today, he replies "Nobody except (insert names of kids he knows who are already from Christian homes)". I think who am I trying to kid, that I think this boy will have the boldness to share Christ? I wonder will his simple example be enough? I fear his silence will give way to peer pressure or ignoring those in need.
So, yesterday when we were in the van on the way to the bus stop and Ethan asked if it was his turn for show and tell, and I replied it will be next Monday, and he responded with, "I want to take my Bible", I thanked God that Ethan is His child before he's mine. That God will use Ethan to do His work. That He will make me the parent that will help make that possible, and, that in spite of my fear and worry that it won't happen, He can do it. I expect Him to do it.

A New Day

I wish it was easier to be a God-follower. I wish that making progress in one area of my life wasn't overshadowed by losing ground in another. I wish surrender came naturally. I wish my kids listened and obeyed. I wish a day of little frustrations didn't lead to an explosion of anger. I wish God's timing wasn't so different from what I would like it to be.

I'm thankful that God gives me a new day, full of His Grace. I'm thankful for opportunites to teach my kids about that Grace and the "messy" parts of human nature. I'm thankful that God is not silent...He answers a prayer from last week right in the midst of yesterday's screw-up.

I recently read an analogy about our life with God that I really liked. It compared that relationship to a sunrise. I'm sure you've witnessed a beautiful sunrise before (or even a sunset). What made it glorious and colorful? Usually it is the clouds. While clouds alone can be gloomy, they have the ability to magnify and display the beauty of the sun's light. Likewise, I'd like to see these issues and difficulties in my life not just as things that darken it, but things that have the ability to magnify the beauty of God's plan for my life and the brilliance of His amazing love for me.

Loving how God works...

I'm really loving how God is giving me evidence of His desire to meet my expectations in helping me deal with some of the hang-ups and habits I'm trying to overcome. I am seeing that God has been working on bringing me to this point of real change for a few months now. I think this post was kind of the beginning of it all. After having Mark tell me I was "hard to come home to after work", and thinking about how "not fun" I was to live with, I realized how spiritually starved I was. Of course, I probably didn't give that outward impression, but I was.

Since then, I started a new mentoring relationship with a dear friend from church. Sue has talked through a lot with me, encouraged me, and even folded laundry for me :O). I've been able to let go of a lot, as far as the expectations I put on myself, thanks to her. I think my family would agree, I am much easier to live with these days.
There was also the Thirst Conference at church, which did for me exactly what was intended...it began to quench my thirst.
I have also reconnected with my friend Mandy through the Facebook/Blog world, which was at first a big hindrance to my progress because she is someone that I compare myself to often (my biggest hang-up right now). I'd read her blog, then link to someone else's blog, who also seemed to be a much more amazing woman than myself, and on and on. I'd spend hours comparing myself to these women and overanalyzing, justifying, and judging so many things. But, she is the one who inspired me to choose a word for the year. And she got really honest in one of her blog posts, which led to a really neat Lifegroup where a bunch of moms are "coming clean" about their "issues".

So, yah, I am really seeing that God is doing all these things for me...because He loves me...and He wants me to be close to him. I have been praying expectantly that God will meet me in the mornings. I don't have much to offer him due to complete exhaustion, but He is lifting me out of bed before the craziness of the day starts. (My alarm went off at 6 this morning, after another long night with Levi and Natalie, and Mark said in disbelief "What are you doing?"). I can honestly say, though, even as tired as I am, I don't want to be in bed during those moments...and I know that is completely God's doing. I spend my time journaling, reading a few verses in my Bible and taking notes, and, if no one is up yet, reading a short devotional. I love how God is tying so many things together for me...my devotions, the Lifegroup, church sermons on prayer and revival...they are all getting right to the core of what I feel like God is doing in me.

It's definitely a day by day journey. Some days I fall back into that trap of uptightness. Many days I fall into the trap of overanalyzing and comparing. But I keep going to back to my verse from Exodus 14, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still". I look at what He's done even while I've been standing in the way, and then look at what He's done when I've stilled my efforts and let him do the work, and I know that's what I want more of.

I so needed the verse that I got out of my devotional today. "My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare." Psalm 25:15. For me, it re-emphasizes what I get out of Exodus 14:14. If I keep my eyes on him...if I just quit and watch and wait and let him do his work...He will free me from this trap I have gotten myself stuck in. I can't do it. He is the only One.

Maybe this would have happened for me a long time ago...if I had expected God to do it.

Dealing with Sin...

Since our church's Thirst conference there have been a few things that have been at the forefront of my thinking. One of the major things I've been focusing on is dealing with sin. I was convicted by the speaker's teaching about irrationaly or vainly dealing with our sin. I am definitely one of those people who takes the "vain" approach. I'm soft on myself, I make excuses and often blame others/circumstances for my shortcomings. I am usually justifying and other times ignoring my sins rather than confessing or repenting. I realized how dangerous this really is because, not only is God serious about sin, but it totally disregards the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for me.

I have spent the past week and a half trying to focus more on this. I've quickly realized I have so much more sin in my life than I ever realized. Our speaker listed 78 sins...I circled close to 40 of them as things I've dealt with in the past couple of months! That's pretty sickening...even more sickening is that I can only recall confessing to the Lord about one of them! As I've made the decision to work on this, Satan has hit me in some areas of major weakness (jealousy, discontent, and second guessing some decisions that I believe God called Mark and me to make in the past).

I am choosing to live by I John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." So, if you don't hear much from me...I'm busy confessing...

On a lighter note
We had a conference with Ethan's Kindergarten teacher last night. It went well and I am encouraged that he will be a little more challenged when January rolls around. We struggled with the decision to send Ethan to kindergarten last year because he didn't turn 5 until after our district's cut-off date (we could have had him tested or sent him to MCS again), but decided it was best to hold off for social reasons, especially since we were told that Lexington's program was pretty challenging. Well, I'm not trying to brag, Ethan is not being really being challenged at all. The boy is reading chapter books and doing 4 digit addition problems for fun, so when they work on identifying numbers 1-10 and learning site words like "a" and "my", he comes home saying he's bored. The good thing is Ethan is a bright spot in his teacher's day. His class is a difficult one, but she can always count on him to be a good example and do what he's told.

Also, Karis brought home a certificate for a free meal at Burger King for her obedience in class. Her teacher says Karis is so obedient she does what she's told almost before the teacher asks :O).

I am so thankful that God has blessed us with four wonderful children!

He fights for ME!

I came across Exodus 14:14 in a book the other day and I'm claiming it as my verse. Here's the reason:

I have a Promises For Moms book that just lists verses on a bunch of different topics. I was scanning the topic on "rest" when the words of this verse struck me. I wanted to know the context in which it was said, though, so I have spent my quiet time the past couple days reading through Exodus 14.

I'll be honest and say that although I have heard the story of Moses leading God's people free and parting the Red Sea many times, I don't ever remember actually reading it straight from my Bible. Exodus 14 is the chapter where Moses has lead the Israelites away from the Egyptians. The Egyptians pursue and the Israelites panic. They are afraid they are going to die in the desert, and they are angry with Moses because they would have rather remained slaves than suffer that fate. Moses tells them not to be afraid, but stand firm. In verse 14 he says, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

I took a few things from my reading. I feel like I have some things in my life that I really need to change. I have some habits and hangups that I just need to get rid of, but they are going to pursue me like the Egyptians pursued the Israelites. I am also feeling like I need to flee from the culture we are living in. I don't want to be absorbed into our Godless, materialistic, self-centered society, nor do I want my family absorbed into it.

One of my problems is I try to fight these things on my own. I totally stink at being still. I go and I do and I go some more and do some more and I think and I try this and I try that and then I think some more and I try something else. If I could just give all that up, God would fight for me. He would part the sea and I'd find myself on the other side and all that "stuff" would be buried.

So, I need to be still. I don't mean that I need to find a quiet place to sit (although that would be beneficial, it's next to impossible in this season of my life). I mean I need to still MY efforts to do this stuff on my own. When I'm faced with one of these issue, I just need to stop thinking about how to fix it and start praying that God will take care of it. There is a battle going on for my heart and mind and the hearts and minds of my family...and God wants to fight it for me, if I would just let Him.

It Continues...

I got to go out to dinner with Sue Loesch last night. She is kind of taking on a mentoring relationship with me and it was so great to talk with her. It just came at the most perfect time considering the conversation that I had with Mark on Sunday. Talking through everything with her helped me focus on what I need to do. She reassured me of some things that I already know, but rarely put into practice. I need to stop comparing myself to other moms and I need to allow myself to take breaks. I need to enjoy this season of my life because it is going to be gone all to soon.

So, my goals for the week are to not worry about the laundry...which is super hard when it is strewn across the living room for days at a time. And to enjoy the time I spend feeding Levi. I will not be spending that time in front of the computer grading papers. It is a chance for me to put my feet up and enjoy my baby. I am hoping these little steps will help me make our home more fun to live in.