Poundin' the Pavement

Well, I'm 5 weeks into my half-marathon training, and I'd have to say, so far, I'm really enjoying it. Yes, I enjoy running. I'm a little weird like that.

In my first 5 weeks, I think my favorite run so far has been my 7 miler. It was a nice evening and I was able to keep a consistent, sub-10 minute pace. Although it was extremely hot, I enjoyed my 8 mile run, too. The big kids were at my parents' house for the weekend, so Mark joined me on his bike with Levi in the bike trailer. He was my travelling water station...how nice is that?? I tried my first energy gel pack on that run, too. Umm...that's some pretty gross stuff trying to taste good.

I have had two longer runs that have done weird things to my stomach/intestines, and I haven't been able to pinpoint whether I'm eating something that doesn't agree with running or if it's my pace. Both runs I've done with a friend and we've pushed the pace under 9 minute miles for 6 and 7 miles, which is a bit faster than I usually do long runs at. Hopefully, I'll get it figured out in the next couple weeks!

I love that I'm achieving a goal. {It's been years since I've had a specific goal to work towards, aside from just surviving with four small children and completing the typical motherly tasks of each day, all while maintaining sanity :O)} I love that there's purpose in my running. I love watching the training plan work. It's fascinating to me to see longer and longer runs get easier and faster. It's nice to see some more muscle tone in my legs, too!

I don't love that it usually requires time away from my family or that some days it costs us our relaxing dinner or bedtime schedule. I don't like that I feel like I'm being pushy with my need to "get my run in". Mark just had to reassure me last night that I'm doing okay. That I'm not being pushy. I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm not being selfish. I've got 7 more weeks to let go of that. Hopefully, I'll have time next month to keep you updated on how that's going.

What I WOULD have blogged about...

It's official. I'm not a summertime blogger. We fill our days and weeks with too much activity for me to find time to blog! Summer moments are so fleeting when your kids are school-age (and go to school outside the home) that we try to make the most of every single one of them! If I were a diligent summer blogger, here are some things I might have written posts about, in no particular order:


*Our trip to Erie...cornhole, the beach, ice cream, haircuts, fishing, hikes, and lots of fun.

*Getting out of the boat and initiating a prayer group for parents in our public school district.

*Half-marathon training.

*Going back to Erie to say good-bye to my grandpa who passed away in June...and the sadness over the very distant relationship we had.

*How much I LOVE the book of Ecclesiastes.

*Hosting a Backyard Bible Club with some great helpers and lots of great kids from the neighborhood.

*Having a garage sale and letting go of all the baby stuff.

*Delivering food to, and praying with, some needy people in our community through our church's food ministry...great way to serve as a family.

*Forgotten God and seeing evidence of living more in the Spirit than in the flesh.

*Ethan and Karis competing in their first track meet.

*Bible study on Revelation and the minor prophets with some great girlfriends and getting to do my own book study on the book of Amos.

More Revival thoughts

I wanted to share a couple more things about our Revival Summit...

I bought a set of CD's if you're interested in borrowing them. Or you can listen to the teaching from the week at Berean's website.

A great ministry that you can access online is Revive Our Hearts. I am currently doing their "True Woman Makeover", which has had some great teaching on the Proverbs 31 woman and is now moving onto to modesty and purity. I am also doing the 30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. Lots of good stuff to sift through on this site.

The whole week and a half was draining and refreshing at the same time. It's something hard to describe. The testimonies that came out of it were amazing. The Holy Spirit definitely moved. Which brings me to some thoughts on what the Summit did for me. I have been a Christian my whole life...prayed the prayer of salvation at the age of 4 and was baptized in 4th grade. This video from Francis Chan pretty much sums up how I feel like I've lived the much of my Christian walk:

Well, I'm determined to get off the "middle road". I feel like God spent the week calling me to let go of the complacency and fear of looking a little "crazy" and just tap into the power that the Holy Spirit offers. I want to be a believer that hears God's voice and obeys...whether it be spontaneously praying for a friend, neighbor, or complete stranger or paying for a random person's groceries, or sacrificing time and resources to serve wherever there might be need.

I don't feel like I know the Holy Spirit and what He makes possible for the true believer. It's like any good person could do the things I do. There isn't much that sets me apart as holy. Ever since I read Crazy Love, and read the excerpt from Forgotten God at the end of it, I knew that it is my relationship with the Spirit that is lacking and I needed to find out what being a Spirit-filled Christian should really look like. I know I was given the gift of the Holy Spirit when I prayed that prayer 25 years ago. And I know there have been times where His guidance has kept me from disobedience and moral destruction. But, I also am realizing that He has so much more to offer me if I know Him and His power in a real way. I want people to notice that "I've been with Jesus", to quote our pastor as he referred to Acts 4 this morning. So, I'm burning my ships (look up the story of Hernando Cortez to understand that analogy), reading Forgotten God and Acts, and training myself to conciously tap into that power. It feels good to see the Fruit growing as a result. I expect more changes in the days to come.

Making my declaration

I'm making my "public" declaration...September 12th I'm running the Erie Half-Marathon. So, I have to do it now, right? ...crap...now I'm scared...

I've said for a long time that I'd like to run a marathon some day, and I still would, but there is no way I can invest the amount of time it would take to accomplish that goal right now. I'm having a hard enough time believing that I'm going to be okay with the amount of time it's going to take to prepare for a Half.

I love to run. I love the sense of accomplishment when I finish a few miles. I love how I feel when I'm in shape. I love having conversations with God while I'm pounding the pavement. I love feeling refreshed by the quiet.

But I'm so bad about spending time on myself! I rarely feel like I need time away and sometimes feel guilty when I take it. Seriously, I get out about once every two weeks without kids and it's to go grocery shopping. I go to a Bible Study once a month and about once every other month I might go out with some girlfriends for a couple hours, but that's about it. I don't get my hair or nails done, I don't soak in the bathtub, I don't have a TV show I watch every week, I hardly ever read anymore. I might get 20 minutes to read my Bible and journal on a good morning, and after the kids are in bed I'm grading my students' work.

I spend A LOT of time with my family, so why do I feel selfish for wanting to do this? I have a husband who is perfectly capable of taking care of the kids (sometimes I think he's better at it than me!) and enjoys opportunities to be with them on his own. I know plenty of moms, with 3-5 kids around the same age as mine are, who are training for half marathons and triathalons and I know, in my head, it's not bad to set this goal and go for it.

I just have problems letting go of the idea that since I asked to be a mom, I need to fully invest in that (especially in this season when our kids are young)...and that when I spend time on me, I'm being selfish. These years pass much too quickly. Before I know it they'll all be in school all day, and I'll have more than enough time for a goal like this. So, there are days where I have almost convinced myself that I should just wait.

But I can't. I need to do this this year. This is becoming an element in my process of learning to let go this year. I'm letting go of the idea that spending time on me = selfishness. This doesn't mean that my family is never going to see me anymore :O). It means that it's okay for me to set a goal and put in the time and work to accomplish it. I know there are probably plenty of people who probably think I'm crazy for choosing a half marathon to train myself in taking "me time", but for me, this is an investment in my mind, body, and soul.

The timing of the race is what is making this goal attainable and will make the letting go process less stressful. I've been asked to do several tris and halfs by friends, but I'm not willing to commit to them because of the timing. I picked Erie's half because it lets me do a majority of my training over the summer, while Mark is home, our obligations are limited, our schedule is pretty free, and I have a minimal amount of students. (The last couple weeks of the training plan might get a little hairy as Mark starts cross-country, the kids start soccer, and my students start their new school year, but I'll figure something out.)

I'm running a half-marathon.

Learning to Enjoy

I loved this email devotional from MOPS International today and wanted to share it. I don't know too many moms who don't struggle with this! I've been asking God for help on this one for a while now....and slowly, but surely, I feel like He's helping me get somewhere!

Come Enjoy Us
By Jeanne Rohrs

The other night my boys and I were sitting down to dinner as my husband entered the room. My three-year-old looked up and said, “Daddy, come enjoy us!”

I love puns, but this one stood out to me because it revealed the heart of my child.

I often miss out on enjoying my children as I herd them from one errand to another. Most of the time I join them but don’t enjoy them. Why aren’t those words synonyms for me as a mom?

Maybe it’s because no matter what I get done, there’s always more to do; more that I think I should have done; more that I think I should be. And there’s guilt over all that I have yet to do. That’s how it happens – my kids become roadblocks.

But when I stop keeping-up-with-the-Joneses and trying to be like June Cleaver, and I really look at my kids, I see their desire for me to enjoy them – to delight in them. It’s then that I ask myself if my agenda is really that important, and if the floor is really too dirty.

Lord, you delight in your children. You quiet them with your love and rejoice over them with singing. Give me your perspective. Help me to enjoy the gift that my kids are.

"Letting Go" in 2010

Well, in case you've been wondering where I've been...we've been sick. Nothing really terrible, but Mark started it with a stomach bug about a week and a half ago, then Karis got it last Monday, then Ethan got strep throat on Thursday, and then I got the stomach bug on Saturday night. So, we've just been in that take it easy while still trying to keep up with daily tasks mode for a bit. I had a friend invite the girls over for a play date today (I warned her, but she was willing to take the risk!) and Levi is napping, so I decided to put off the toy clean-up and laundry folding to blog instead. Feels kind of good to choose something I want to do instead of the things I should do :O).


So, I've been saying I wanted to tell you a little bit about my "word" for the year. Last year was a year of expecting God and His changes in my life, and even though I didn't end up blogging about much them, He did some very necessary things in my heart and life.

This year I'm not expecting any different, as I ask Him to teach me how to better let go. This is something I so need to work on on many levels.

As I've mentioned many times before, I have issues with control...I don't like when my house looks out of control. I don't like when my kids are at school and I don't have control over what they are doing or what's being done to them. I don't like when cars break down, water lines leak or people get sick. It just stresses me out! God, help me let go of my need to control, because I know you are glorified in my ability to focus on what's truly important, trust in your protection, and believe in your provision.

I also have issues with pride and judging. There are a lot of times that I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job at life. It may seem like a contradiction, since I know I've mentioned that I've often compared myself to other women and felt inadequate. At the same time though, I've often compared myself to some women and felt like, "...maybe I do have it all together...". I can be pretty quick to judge other peoples' ways of doing things if I think my way is better. I probably shouldn't even admit this, but there are a lot of times that Mark and I will be discussing somebody's situation and we'll jokingly say..."It's a good thing we're perfect." Yah, we're being totally sarcastic, but still, there is an element judgment and pride in it. God, help me let go of my tendency to judge because I know that I am nothing without your grace.

Another thing that I have issues with is holding on to things. I hold on to material things, the idea of future financial stability, and time. I have a hard time throwing stuff out...actually Mark and I both do. We're not hoarders by any means, but seriously, our basement has become the dumpsite of all the stuff we're not ready to part with because someday we might have a use for them. We did do really well this weekend getting rid of a bunch of stuff and setting aside plenty more for a Spring garage sale. I just want to get rid of "stuff" that clutters our life. I cling to this idea of someday being able to not have to think about money and whether we have enough for this or that. Not that I have a desire to live some extravegant lifestyle, but we want to fix up the basement and remodel the kitchen here, we want to buy land in the (sort of) country and build a house, we want to travel. Yet, I know I'm not guaranteed tomorrow, so in my heart, I feel like I'd rather leave a legacy of giving than saving for what may never come. I'm pretty selfish with the time I spend with my family. I really don't have much desire to get out by myself or for us to spend time socializing with other families. I really don't like to give up our time, especially now that Ethan is in school all day. Even though neither one of us are very willing to give up our time together, Mark and I go back and forth all the time about whether it's more important to spend time binding our family together or reaching out to come in contact with and serve those that need to see a God-loving/fearing family. So far, we're not balanced in that area at all. God, help me let go of my desire to hold on to these things...provide me motivation to get rid of things we don't need and the opportunity to give of our time and money becuase I know we have so much more of these than many, many others.